What you probably don’t understand about the Mob Wife Aesthetic.

Well, I’ll be honest with you. Being on the cover of the New York Post for dressing like a mob wife certainly wasn’t on my 2024 bingo card.

Alas, the mob wife aesthetic unexpectedly took the social media world by storm in early January, a fashion trend I have been posting about since 2022. Boasting thousands of posts on the topic, millions of video views, and a swarm of international press, this aesthetic that touts the hallmarks of both fictional and real-life mob wives—think big (faux) fur coats, excessive jewelry, and a no-nonsense attitude as the cherry on top—has taken off in a way that few trends have. So what’s so special—and controversial—about it?

To the naysayers

Let’s get into the juicy stuff first. It wouldn’t be a viral social media moment if it didn’t come with some controversy. After the initial storm of people hopping on the mob wife bandwagon, then came the storm of naysayers. Some went so far as to call it cultural appropriation. Since when do Italians own 1980s fashion? (More on this topic below). But the overarching feedback from the opposers of this trend is that its participants are glamourizing a life of crime and violence and an organization that has harmed so many people. Let’s dive in.

When filmmakers like Francis Ford Coppola and Martin Scorsese direct a mob film, they are showered with praise, awards, and critical acclaim. Actors such as Robert DeNiro, Joe Pesce, and Al Pacino have made entire careers out of bringing fictional and real-life mafia figures to life on the big screen only to achieve the same accolades as their directors. These individuals are in no way, shape, or form affiliated with organized crime in real life. They are artists.

Fashion is art. Content creation is art. And no, I am not equating my 90 second Instagram reels to a Scorsese film. What I’m saying is, the mob wife aesthetic and Goodfellas are referencing the same world. We’re showing you something through that specific lens. People have forever been fascinated with organizations such as la cosa nostra—look at the success of series’ like Narcos (Netflix), Mob Wives (VH1), and most recently, Griselda (Netflix) where Sofia Vergara portrays the infamous Griselda Blanco. These underground organizations garner the interest of the masses because they are just that—underground. Secret societies that operate with their own sets of rules, where their leaders achieve excessive wealth and power. Fascinating to learn about, right? Especially when the actions of these individuals are so far off from how us normal people behave. Kind of like how we love reality television for the same reason—we get a peek into how a specific set of people live without having to leave our sofas. But make no mistake about it: this is a fashion trend that looks to specific women in film, history, and pop culture for style inspiration. And speaking of the women…

Many are criticizing these “mob wives” themselves. If you’ve watched any of the aforementioned films or reality shows, you will agree with the assessment that none of these women led easy lives. They were subjected to violence, illegal activity, abuse, and cheating spouses. Not aspirational at all, right? But let’s briefly examine the elusive mob wife and her value system—a topic I could write an entire other blog post on. Carmela and Tony Soprano were high school sweethearts who dreamt of building a life together. Carmela accepts Tony’s lifestyle in exchange for what he gives her—the type of life she always wished to give her children. A beautiful home, education, and a family that sits around the table each night for a homecooked meal. Carmela often struggled with her choice to accept his lifestyle—as seen in several episodes, most famously Whitecaps—but ultimately, she valued her children’s happiness over her own and put her family first. When you examine her choices through the lens of a value system, it changes your perception, right? She’s not a doormat. Carmela runs her household, she’s decisive, and she’s not afraid to call Tony out and hold him accountable for his actions. Moreover, she loves Tony. She wants to keep her family together for the sake of her children and in order to achieve that, she must accept actions that hurt her. I think so many people are quick to rattle off one dimensional analyses of these characters, when they are fully realized three-dimensional figures which is why we’re still talking about The Soprano’s 25 years later.  

 But why else are we so taken with the mob wife?

 It's more than an aesthetic

Let’s take Karen Hill as our case in point. She’s no wallflower, as she clearly stated when she said, “You’ve got some nerve standing me up!” If you were a Growing Up Gotti fan like I was back in 2005, our blonde-haired protagonist was one tough cookie who didn’t shy away from discipline when it came to her three teenaged boys. Take the hit reality series Mob Wives, that followed several women who either grew up or married into “the life.” What do all of these women have in common? They’re unapologetically themselves. They’re real, raw, tough, authentic, and they don’t tolerate nonsense.

It's this bold attitude and fearlessness that make this trend more than just another TikTok aesthetic. I have women messaging me every day, telling me how empowering they find this trend, simply because they can now dress and do their makeup exactly how they please, and they don’t have to fit into a neat little box to be considered “trendy.” It’s the polar opposite of trends we’ve seen in the last few years in terms of attitude. Quietluxury—mob wife is loud and flashy. Clean girl—mob wife is that of a daring leading lady.

In short—the mob wife aesthetic is more than fashion. It’s about embodying an unapologetic sense of self, and being unafraid to walk into a room and own it.

But it’s also just an aesthetic

On the flip side, many social media users are reading too much into the name of this aesthetic. If you’ve spent time on TikTok, you’ll know that a new aesthetic arises every few weeks. Blueberry Milk Nails. Cottage Core. Barbie Core. Coastal Grandmother. The Coquette Aesthetic boasting pink bows on everything from candlesticks to ice cubes (yes, I’m serious). There is a serious aesthetic fatigue on social media. Mob Wife Aesthetic is a buzz word coined to encapsulate everything that goes along with this trend, including the fashion, beauty and hair elements, and the attitude discussed above.

If you take a look at the aesthetic itself from a fashion standpoint, it’s essentially a revival of 80s glamour.Trends have a cyclical nature, ranging anywhere from 20 to 40 years. We are precisely 40 years from the mid-80s (I know, I still think the 80s were twenty years ago), which goes along with the cycles of trends. Further, during the pandemic, we were all locked in at home in our sweatpants and leggings, wearing minimal makeup and slicked back hairstyles. We’re living again. We’re going out, and we want to get dressed up again. We are longing for glamour, and the mob wife aesthetic is just that. It’s a return of glamour, confidence, and decadence—all hallmarks of the 1980s fashion scene.

As someone who has studied the 1980s for the past few years, as my novel, The Owner & The Wife is set in 1985-1986, this decade was all about excess. Excessive amounts of jewelry. The bigger the hair, the better. Bold makeup. Big, extreme silhouettes. We’re seeing a return of the bold across fashion, beauty, and hair industries, and I have even seen the return of puff sleeves in the bridal world.

We live in an era where every little micro trend is labeled an “aesthetic.” However, keep in mind, it’s just that—an aesthetic, not a glamourization of the lifestyle that comes with the title.

How I interpret the trend

As someone who has always loved fashion, and who has always embodied the “mob wife aesthetic” since before it earned its moniker (I guess that’s why one of my followers dubbed me the CEO of the trend), I think this is one of the best fashion trends we’ve seen in recent years. Why? It calls for individualization. In the last decade, fast fashion has taken over, and everyone has started to look and dress alike. If you spend time scrolling through Get Ready With Me videos on TikTok, 9 out of 10 girls will be using the same products. But the mob wife trend is different.

There are so many ways to interpret this trend. Maybe you’re going for a 1960s vibe, a la Ginger in Casino. Maybe you love the Y2K housewife aesthetic of Carmela Soprano (as I do). Once you choose your muse, as I like to say, you can then look to your mob wife of choice as a style inspiration (as you would with any other celebrity or figure in fashion), and use their looks as a point of reference. By no means is this trend a costume. Instead, use these characters as inspiration—maybe you love the way Carmela layers necklaces. Maybe you love Karen Hill’s hairstyles. Pick and choose your favorite elements, and make them your own.

Further, many of you know I am a big proponent of thrifting. Not only is this economical and sustainable, but thrifting also allows for individuality in fashion. For example, my faux fur coat that has become its own character on social media was a thrift find back in 2018. I won’t be walking down the street and see another person wearing the same exact coat. Additionally, if you are going for a vintage vibe, through thrifting you can find pieces that are authentic to the time period you are trying to emulate.  

If the mob wife aesthetic is not for you…

Don’t fret. I know there’s aesthetic fatigue. I know some people will continue in their clean girl aesthetic, just as I continued to wear full glam and logo purses throughout the clean girl era. Here’s where personal style comes in: if you know what looks best on you, you can be selective when picking and choosing which trends to participate in. Not every trend is for every person. When you understand this, you’ll save time and money by only participating in trends that serve your personal style. After all, fashion is an outward expression of who you are on the inside.

As for the mob wife, she is bold, daring, confident, and most importantly, unapologetically herself—all traits that I find admirable and aspirational—all traits that will NEVER go out of style.